Running is my Jesus

Tomorrow's theme for Take it and Run Thursday at the Runners' Lounge is "a year in review in 52 words or less." And while I am going to give you that review, I am going over the word limit because hey, I am not getting graded on this assignment.

When I finally graduated from school a little over two years ago, I had what they call a "quarter-life crisis." From preschool, to elementary school, then middle school, followed by high school, followed further by college, and then finally grad school, by the time I graduated and was done with school for good, I had been in school a long time. And I was never one of those people who just got by. Oh no, not me. "Why only have one job when you can have two?" Or "you only need to take 15 credits a semester? Well, I am going to take 19!" I was always on the move, working towards the job I always wanted to have. And when I finally got that job and I had all this free time on my hands, I didn't know what to do with myself.

I was lost. And bored. And when I am bored, I am NOT happy. My question was, "Now what"?

So I was really stuck. For months I tried to figure out what I could do, what I could now work towards, what the next challenge would be. And it wasn't until the boyfriend and I broke up that I got a real kick in the pants. As in, "must keep busy at all costs to avoid feeling bad about break-up." So I started exploring different things. Various volunteer projects, activities. I signed up for everything and anything, went everywhere and anywhere with friends when invited (even if I sometimes didn't really feel like going). But nothing really fit. Something was missing. I still felt lost, unsettled, not content.

Until this past spring.

This past spring I did my first race on a whim. A four miler that I didn't think I would be able to run completely. I had every expectation that I would have to walk at least part of it. But I didn't. I ran the whole thing, albeit slowly. And I was hooked. If I can run 4 miles, why not 5? If can run 5, then why not 6? or 13.1?

And so I got into this thing called running. I read articles on RunnersWorld.com religiously every day after work (yes, it bordered on obsession), got up early on the weekends to run before it got too hot outside, planned the races I wanted to run. And then one day, a few months later, a thought popped into my mind while, you guessed it, running: running is my Jesus.

I am not a religious person. Believe me I have tried. I have attended many a service with friends who are religous people. But it always seemed that religion and faith was something tangible, something one felt from the deepest parts within oneself. And I did not feel anything. I mean, I could have been praying and singing to a rock.

But religion means a lot to many people. I mean look at all those Catholics who get up on a Sunday morning, get dressed up and actually leave their house, while the rest of us are schleping around the house in sweats and an old t-shirt. You have to really love your faith to put on makeup on a Sunday.

And I think there is a strong comparison to draw between faith and running. Like Catholics who get dressed-up for church on a Sunday morning, I have gladly gotten up at 6 a.m. on a SATURDAY (which is earlier than when I get up during the work week) just to get in a run before it gets too hot outside. Not because I have to. There is no drill sergent pulling the covers back and forcing me out of bed. Rather, I do it because I must. Because deep down inside of me, there is something driving me foward.

And like faith, running gives me stability. When all everything else goes wrong, running is always there to make me feel better, something I can rely on, that never changes. And while there may be times that I doubt it or curse it or leave it for a little while, it never turns its back on me.

I see so many of my friends who are not content with their lives and have not been for a while. They go out to bars every weekend, because they don't want to sit at home, but they are not really happy. They long to do other things, but are at a loss as to what. And many of them deal with it by searching out a boyfriend or someone to date, thinking another person will fill the void in their lives and give them something that they cannot give themselves. When I see this, I feel bad for them. So sometimes I suggest that they try running a race with me, or running in general, thinking, "well running has given me a lot" but then I feel like one those people on the subway who starts preaching and shouting "thank you, Jesus, hallelujah" in the subway car when everyone's just trying to get home from work. Just because its right for me doesn't mean it is right for others.

2007 was a crappy year for a lot of reasons. But 2008 has been a lot better. Over the past year, I have found a new challenge and a feeling of contentment. And I have running to thank for that. So thank you, running, hallelujah.